Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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