If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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