I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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