Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
