I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
