I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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