I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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