i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
