I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
