I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
