I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
