I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you had me at cake vodka
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
