sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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