PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
