being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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