dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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