Got a toothbrush?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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