I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The air was thick with penises
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
