youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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