Someone shit on the floor
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
