i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
