I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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