come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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