dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
