Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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