It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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