Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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