to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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