At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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