The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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