kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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