Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
