so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
