I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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