I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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