He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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