if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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