how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
