Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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