what day is it and did you see me today?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
