Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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