I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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