So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
