Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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