Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
