I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
