And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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