I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
