My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
