Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
