If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
