I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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