my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
