all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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