dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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