I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you win again, gameday.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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