I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
