I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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