Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize