I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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