the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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