i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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