you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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