Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
