My sheets look like a crime scene.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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