Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
