Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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